My name is Melanie Winterton. I have been a member of the LDS Church my whole life. My husband Ron and I have been married for 34+ years and we have five children and five grandchildren. We love to spend time together with our family. We enjoy game nights and playing cards. Three of our children currently participate in the LDS Church and two do not. The two that have stepped away, have done so for different reasons.

My middle child, Braxton is one of the kids that no longer participates in church. Braxton and I have always been close. He gets me, and I get him. Braxton is almost thirty years old and I love him with all my heart. Braxton is gay. He came out to us after serving an LDS mission to Curitiba, Brazil. We had signs prior to his mission that he may be gay, but I think we were in denial.

When he came out to us, I remember telling him that I take my temple covenants very seriously and I believe them. I trust Heavenly Father to keep his part of the covenant of sealing families. I told him that if I did the best I could, those covenants would be honored and that he (Braxton) was stuck with me for eternity.

On the inside, I truly believed what I said, with a bunch of other emotions circling around. I felt very protective and wasn’t sure I wanted other people to know. I was scared. I did not want anyone judging my son or saying ignorant comments about him. So, at the time I was okay to keep it secret. Another part of me mourned the hopes I had of Braxton getting married in the temple and starting a family.

Braxton attended SUU, his activity in church was on and off. I distinctly remember a Sunday, I was in Sunday School in Draper and he was in Sunday School in Cedar City. It was the first time he had been to church in a while. He and I were texting. He told me that a comment was being made in Sunday School that was bashing gays. He told me he could not sit there and listen and that he needed to leave. This broke my heart and I too, got up and walked out of Sunday School with tears running down my cheeks.

Braxton still tried to go to church from time to time. Then he called me one day to tell me about the church’s policy on gay families. I couldn’t believe it was true. I watched several news programs and found out how true it was. That was the last straw for Braxton. He was done with church.

I had a difficult time with my feelings and this policy. To this day, it still bothers me. There are a few things regarding the church that don’t sit well with me, so I hold on tight to the things that I love. I love the Plan of Salvation, it makes so much sense to me. I love temple work. I love ward families. I love personal revelation. I love prayer. I love scriptures. I love church music. I love the peace I feel. I love my Father and Mother in heaven and I love Jesus.

It has been a journey for me from when Braxton came out to us and to where I am today. It is no longer a secret. Braxton came to out the extended family years ago and with his friends. I am open and glad to let people know that I have a gay son. I am grateful. He and this experience has taught me things that I don’t think I would have learned otherwise. I am a better human being because my son is gay. I don’t feel like my journey is over. I feel like I am still learning and growing and transitioning to the person I am meant to be.

I hope for a world free from judgement of race, religion, lack of religion, culture, ethnicity, orientation, gender identity, education, financial status or anything else. Life can be difficult, please love and support one another. We all have worth and purpose just by being here. Let’s all accept, love and celebrate each other’s commonalities and diversities. Doing so, will bring more light to the world.

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This In My Own Words story is a contribution from Let’s Love Better, a Facebook group dedicated to helping people learn to better share love, while fostering an atmosphere of understanding.  When we know better, we do better.