I came out as gay a few years ago and everyone, even extended family and friends took it exceptionally well. However, my parents seem to have put up a wall and don’t know what to do about it. They knew I was gay even before I even understood what being gay meant. My dad admitted it too. They taught that GAY was wrong–and gross and treated it like an addiction that could be overcome or cured. They tell me all the time that they love and accept me the way I am but as long as I don’t act on my feelings and “act too gay”.
I told my mom that I’m discovering who I really am because growing up I NEVER had the chance to. Her reaction was “It’s not too feminine, right?”. Immediately I closed the box I was trying to open up, by being my authentic self, because when I’m authentic, it’s way more “femmy” than what everyone around me is used to seeing me like.
My parents express unconditional love, but is that kind of love really there?
I’m not entirely sure. But if there IS that kind of love, than why isn’t their house safe enough for me and those I bring home for them to meet, whether male or female, whether it’s my boyfriend or simply just one of my really good straight friends? I’m always afraid to visit home alone or to bring a friend over because I don’t know if they’re going to accept my boyfriend or speculate about my straight friends.
My parents think I’m going down a wrong path. But all I know is that I’m only becoming happier and happier and truly discovering who I am and what I was supposed to know and find out about myself all the way back in childhood.
I’m coming out and feeling more alive than I ever was the day I was born. Do you know what it’s like to live a life where you can NEVER be who your soul and your heart YEARNS to be? To live a life you know isn’t your own? That’s what my life was growing up and I’m just beginning to shake the earth beneath my family’s feet! (And there’s MORE earthquakes to cause beneath them).
I guess I’m just tired of the hate, the homophobia against me behind my back, the lack of faith and trust in their son. The lack of true acceptance they claim to give, but they lack in knowledge and refuse to accept the unfamiliar and the things they were taught to reject.
I hate ALWAYS feeling like the odd one, almost non-existent, the one who always tries so hard and gets nothing but lectures and shame for doing the best I can do; contrary to what it seems like my siblings are being treated.
I’m continuing forward with my self discovery and I choose to not let ANYTHING stand in my way of being myself, the person I was always meant to be. It’s been a really fun journey over all!
I needed to come out.
We want to hear your story–here’s how to share it with us!
Each Sunday we feature a new Coming Out Story on the Latter Gay Stories blog. Coming out is an important process that is different for everyone; some experiences are difficult; while others are heart-warming and inspiring. Coming out is rarely easy–but your story will help others draw inspiration from your own experience. We rely on weekly submissions to keep the Coming Out Stories alive and invite you to share your story now.