“You must write your own story” is what I’ve been taught since I was very young. How many times have we heard “we can be whoever we want to be, if we choose it?” Isn’t it amazing that as we get older most of us find that our choices are made for us? We have personal standards, be we also have a group of people who have expectations for us. Those people are usually our friends and family and they seem to already have our life figured out for us.

In writing “my story”, I ended up writing what people wanted to hear. I was an honor roll student at a private school. I was a ladies man. My parents had already picked out the type of girl they wanted me to marry. I played sports and was well-liked in school. I served in many callings including the first assistant to the Bishop when I was a priest. I told everyone that I wanted to serve a mission (never wanted to…ever), I acted like I was perfect, you know the Mormon routine.

Shortly before my Sophomore year of high school my dad received a job transfer and we ended up moving to Utah. We went from a 3A private school to a 1A charter school in a rural community. During that time I came out to my brother and cousin. I was nervous. It was really hard to accept that part of myself. I didn’t want the words to be true, because they didn’t fit into what my family expected of me. When I was alone I would repeat to myself over and over and over: “I’m gay.”

As I would acknowledge this to myself, I would get this feeling inside: guilt. I was obviously raised Mormon and was taught that being gay was a sin. How could I be okay calling myself gay, when everything I had been taught told me that who I am is bad? I remember reading Church talks and finding out that gay people like me are next to murderers in the eyes of God, that we are better off dead (than honest about our sexuality), we are a disease, we shouldn’t be taken out in public, our families shouldn’t be proud of us and we shouldn’t work in public spaces. Sadly many of these awful things are/were taught by Dallin H. Oaks, the next prophet of the LDS Church.  

That year at my new school I stayed in the closet. I was afraid. Many people asked me if I was gay. I’d say no, or I’d joke around with it. I survived the year, almost. Keeping all this hidden was taking a toll on my life. So much so that I was no longer an honor roll student. I stopped caring about my grades because I was focused on hiding my sexuality.

Finally, my Junior year I decided that this year was my year. I had to stop caring what people thought of me. That lasted up until I was ready to go to school. I spent another half a year in the closet. I then came out to my best friend on the bus to school. And that was my plot twist to the story everyone around me was trying to write. When people asked if I was gay I’d finally had the courage to answer, “Yes.”

People talk and soon everyone knew except my parents. It was really hard to come out to them because at home and even during Church discussions my parents would say that people who are gay have mental problems. Fortunately, everyone that I came out to has been really supportive, and those who found out by word of mouth never seem to care.

On a drive to Salt Lake I came out to my parents. I thought my dad was going to drive off the road. My mom cried. They tried to dig in and tell me that I needed counseling. They asked me if I was sinning. They wanted to blame my sexuality on the sins in my life. That is sad. And ridiculous.

I want to share some advice to parents and other Latter-day Saints who are trying to better understand this topic. Start early. Stop saying hurtful things about our community. See us just as you see straight or cisgender people. Quit trying to use our sexuality against us. Stop thinking that to be gay is just about having sex. Gay people are not any more dangerous that straight people. The shows you watch, the decorations you adore, the clothing you wear were more than likely creations of gay people. Stop listening to Church leaders who contradict what the Spirit has personally testified to you.

And most importantly of all, let us write our own story, as we see it. Let us be the author of our story. Stop trying to indoctrinate, motivate or coerce us into your version of what life should look like.

 I hope that one day all of us has the chance to write our authentic story.

We want to hear your story–here’s how to share it with us!

Each Sunday we feature a new Coming Out Story on the Latter Gay Stories blog. Coming out is an important process that is different for everyone; some experiences are difficult; while others are heart-warming and inspiring. Coming out is rarely easy–but your story will help others draw inspiration from your own experience. We rely on weekly submissions to keep the Coming Out Stories alive and invite you to share your story now.

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR STORY