When I was a child growing up in the church I always pictured myself growing up, finding a handsome returned missionary, dotting off to the nearest temple and raising a family of boys in Mormon bliss. It would be fair to say I was that picturesque Molly Mormon girl. 🙂
All that pretty much changed during my junior year in high school. I was waiting in the lunch line, standing next to my best friend. It never had occurred to me how awesome she was. I realized then that she was the sweetest person I had ever met. She was nice to everyone and was just an all around good person. That’s when I realized something that even surprised me…I totally got butterflies when I was around her!
In that moment I thought she was the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I stared (almost gazed) at her as she talked to the people around us. Her beautiful green eyes and sun streaked blonde hair almost illuminated the dimly lit school cafeteria. I’m pretty sure I had my mouth open. How had I missed these feelings in our years worth of friendship?
We finally got through the lunch line and sat down in our usual spot together. After a little back and forth convo, all of a sudden she said, “did you see the Pride events coming up next month?” I was stunned. How should I respond? What is the right response? Ugh! I am going to look like a fool!
YIKES! Did I make it that obvious that I liked her or something? Stupidly, the only think I could think of as a response was, “are you gay or bi?” She said she was straight but she didn’t know yet. I waited a second. Then I just blurted it out…“I’m bi.” There was no hesitation, no awkward pauses, I just comfortably blurted out an important part of who I was with a friend (well, a friend that I was developing lunch line feelings for!)
She was so supportive and kind. It wasn’t awkward at all, but I just couldn’t come to tell her I liked her. Maybe I missed out on my opportunity with her, after all she did tell me that she was still figuring out her life, but I moved on with my life and even started to like a boy. I always wondered if what I was going through was just a high school phase or just hormones.
During the summer we spent a lot of time hanging out together. The same butterflies hit my stomach, and those same lunch-line feelings came flooding back. To this day I still like her but am totally scared to tell her. I also am totally scared to tell my very Mormon parents! They are leaving on a mission soon and I have debated if I should share the news with them before they leave, or just buy 18 more months of comfort and happiness.
Anyway, that was my short and simple coming out experience. I am not sure where to go from here, not sure if I should explore the option of dating other women or just fit in like society wants me to, and find a returned missionary, get married in the temple and play that role.
We want to hear your story–here’s how to share it with us!
Each Sunday we feature a new Coming Out Story on the Latter Gay Stories blog. Coming out is an important process that is different for everyone; some experiences are difficult; while others are heart-warming and inspiring. Coming out is rarely easy–but your story will help others draw inspiration from your own experience. We rely on weekly submissions to keep the Coming Out Stories alive and invite you to share your story now.