“I am disgusted by your Facebook photos. That trash shouldn’t be in my face! Those kids deserve a mother and a father not two homos pretending to love them.”
Having a public presence on social media isn’t the easiest path to navigate—especially when you have a non traditional family. With social media there seems to be something about a keyboard that dulls personal decency and heightens division among opinion.
I’ll jump straight to the point (no pun intended) if loving another person (children included) is trashy, then a landfill I’ve become. Welcome to my trash.
Years ago we had a chicken named Chicken Noodle Soup. She devoured our chicken feed and never laid a single egg. She was bitter and mean. She would peck at the kids and hiss when they tried to pet her. Every time she’d peck at one of my kids, I’d remind her that if she didn’t change her ways she’d become chicken noodle soup. Hence the name.
Chicken Noodle Soup was also broody. ‘Broody’ is a term for hens that want to raise chicks so badly that they’ll sit on unfertilized eggs (or even rocks) in an attempt to hatch them. Broody hens stop laying eggs during this period and basically eat food and give nothing in return. They become unproductive and needy. Chicken Noodle Soup seemed to be in a constant state of broody—sometimes she’d sit on eggs, or rocks, or straw for months at a time. She’d steal eggs from other chickens in an effort to fulfil her desire to be a mother. I learned that a handful of wooden eggs was often all she needed to feel like the mama-hen she wanted to be.
One evening, while Chicken Noodle Soup quietly slept on a trio of wooden eggs, I gently slipped three chicks under her wing and pulled the warm wooden eggs from under her body. When she would wake up in the morning her dreams of motherhood would finally be realized.
The next morning she was in love. She had become what she’d only dreamed about becoming: a mom. To her simple chicken delight, years of wanting had turned into a reality. Three chicks, all of different breeds were snuggling close to her.
Chicken Noodle Soup became delightful; she became active again, she quit pecking the kids and she happily raised the three adopted chicks into adulthood. A chicken had become a mother because someone gave her the opportunity.
My point: Chicken Noodle Soup and the stories of many queer people aren’t exact parallels, but their experiences can be the same. Admittedly, some families are “non-traditional” but that does not mean we aren’t a family. I think every child deserves a family as loving and committed as I see in so many traditional and non traditional families. Family comes from the commitment we make to each other to work through the hard times so we can enjoy the good ones. It is strengthened by the love that binds us; not the differences that divide us. A family isn’t just one that flourishes in duplication and commonality.
To love another person is not trashy. It’s actually a very beautiful experience.
The ability to connect and interact with another is an emotional, spiritual and intellectual need. We all deserve to love and be loved—even in same gender relationships. If that love feels “disgusting” to you, I invite you to understand why it doesn’t feel disgusting to me (and to so many others).
This might come as a surprise, but my children still have a mother and a father—my same gender relationship does not negate that. Luckily for my children they have a mom and a dad and two additional dads who love them beyond words. I find power and strength in the lives of children who have a multitude of people who love them.
When it comes to love, we’re not pretending.
P.S. This is a photo of our trashy, non-traditional, counterfeit family…in the wild.
Beware, you should feel threatened…very threatened.