As the McClintock Young Single Adult ward praises their God in worship, the melodic tones from an immaculate pipe organ flow through the air. The music—their song, is played by an openly gay man. During these moments, and throughout all of the church services, sexuality is not of concern for this ward. They represent the change happening within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
My name is RJ Risueño, and I am a practicing Mormon and a practicing gay.
My calling as the ward music chair is the tip of the iceberg that represents my journey navigating the church and my sexuality. I moved to Arizona last August to pursue a master’s degree in speech-language pathology, and I was considering returning to church.
In Utah, I had experienced unfavorable responses from members in regard to my sexuality but yearned to maintain my Mormon roots.
I had seen God’s hand throughout my life, and I prayed and asked him to lead me to an LGBT-friendly ward. I told him it would be icing on the cake if I found a ward with a pipe organ. My first Sunday, as I sat in the back, I was welcomed by the pristine pipes of the Arizona State University Institute organ. I later introduced myself to the bishop, who had heard of my desire to play music for the ward. “You are an answer to our prayers,” he said to me, with a bright smile on his face. Nervously I faked a laugh and said, “I’m not sure about that…I’m gay.”
With my vulnerability laid out, I braced for impact via a comment or change of topic. Surprisingly, Bishop Steele looked me in the eye and said, “We prayed for an organist, and you are here. We need you and we ask you to stay.”
I called my mom in tears a few hours later because for the first time, I felt wholeheartedly welcomed by a ward. I knew that by deciding to stay in the church, I would likely hear comments and teachings that I did not agree with. I would be the minority. But I also saw the potential to be an example to these members of the goodness of the LGBT community.
A few weeks after moving into the ward, I was asked to give a talk on missionary work. My thesis was that the most important missionary work we could do was (and still is) walking with others and listening to them.
Here is a quote from my talk:
“The paradox of life is that we are broken yet whole. We are broken because we struggle to feel accepted, loved, and forgiven. We have been lied to, but we have also lied to others. We have been betrayed but have also betrayed our loved ones. However, we become whole as we look beyond others’ scars and bruises and dig deeper to find that their hearts are the same as ours.”
I retold parables, quoted scripture, and then came the moment: I shared my coming out story. As scared and nervous as I was, I knew that I loved myself as a gay, Mormon man. And no matter how my ward treated me, I would still love myself.
That talk became the starting point for many conversations in my ward. By simply being present at activities and sharing moments of laughter and spirituality, my friends started asking questions. “When did you know you were gay?” “What was it like being gay and on a mission?” People would even come to me, look at me in the eye and say “I don’t know what it’s like to be gay and Mormon, but I know that it’s not easy. Thank you for staying.” I will never forget the day I was set apart as ward music chair—the bishopric and their wives were present, and tears were shed as my bishop expressed gratitude to me for being an example of love, acceptance, and humility.
I decide to stay in my ward because I know that I am part of a growing group of people who say “I am LGBT. I am Mormon. And I am here to stay.”
In a few weeks, my bishop and I will host a discussion in his home where members can ask questions about the LGBT community. YSAs have already submitted questions to me about how to ask people their gender pronouns, what intersex means, and how they can support LGBT friends who have recently come out. What will make the conversation unique is that those in attendance are good friends. No fights will erupt, nor will friendships be severed because we all know that our love for each other is greater than our differences.
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