My name is Milo. I am a fun-loving guy who enjoys being active, especially outside. I love hiking and appreciating the beautiful world that God has made for us. I’m a high school science teacher who fully embraces the idea of science and how scientific knowledge is acquired. I am extremely passionate about astronomy and anything space related. I also love music. As early as I can remember I have loved singing and even currently perform in a community choir. Additionally, music provided the foundation of my testimony in God and Jesus Christ and has continually strengthened it throughout my life.
I had an interesting conversation with a coworker the other day. They had found out for the first time that I am involved with choir and enjoy singing. They made the comment that you don’t expect a science person like myself to be involved in the arts. My response was “Yeah, I feel like my life is an oxymoron sometimes.” You may have been able to see some of these oxymorons already, but another thing about me that makes me feel like my life is an oxymoron is that I identify as gay. I am a Gay, Active Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Now for some of those I know, this may be a shock, and for some this may not be. As I look back on my life, there are a variety of signs that I realized made me different from other boys. But I never really let them bother me, I accepted that This is Me, and that I potentially am different from other people. Even as I went through high school and started dealing with feelings of attraction towards men, I never thought what I was experiencing was because I was gay. This was mainly due to my upbringing as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. I gained my own firm testimony of The Church at a very early age due to being born of goodly parents who raised their family completely in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Thereby, being gay was not part of the plan of salvation and it just wasn’t an option for me to be gay. I served a two year mission in Canada Calgary and got my bachelors and masters degrees at Utah State University. While school was hard, I felt that dating and trying to find a woman to marry was harder. I actively dated but things never seemed to work out. Through this process I relied on the Lord and realized that My Shepherd Will Supply My Need as I turn to him in faith. And after 5 years of soul searching, I finally accepted for myself that I am gay.
Now I wish that I could say this was a turning point for me, and that I was able to just Rewrite The Stars and have things work itself out. Yes, I am gay, but I also firmly believe in the teachings of the Church. As such, I turned to the Lord, I found that His kindness would not depart from me. I feel that He has guided me as I have continued to write my own story. Currently, I struggle to see where I fit in as a single, gay man in the Church. I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life, so I’m trying to find a guy that I can spend the rest of my life with. Someone that has good feelings towards The Church and will accept me and support my level of activity. As I’ve relied on the Lord, He has given me the promptings of changes I’ve needed to make in my life and peace I need to know that what I am doing is ok.
However, this process is extremely lonely. It’s hard to feel loved, valued, and supported when your core beliefs and identity are not in harmony with one another. Yes, I have faith in Christ, and He has given me hope in numerous ways that all will work out. A source of this hope has come from good people: friends, church leaders, and family. People who treat me the same as they would any other person. People who call me up to talk and see how things are going. People who, without judgement, sincerely ask about me, who I am, what I’ve experienced, and who I am dating. I realize that I am a peculiar person who doesn’t fit the mold, but people who realize that and strive to not treat me differently have made a world of difference in my life. Whether or not you know me, feel free to talk to me, to ask me questions, and to learn more. I welcome the opportunity to discuss what it’s like to be me as well as get to know you and to learn from you and your experiences.
I fully admit, my life, my experiences, and where I am are not generally expected or found within society. And I am fine with that. I’ve accepted that my life is an oxymoron. I know the Lord has guided me to where I am today, and I Marvel at the Miracle that I still feel the Spirit of God in my life. I don’t completely understand the how, or the why, but I press forward with faith and hope that sometime we’ll understand.
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This In My Own Words story is a contribution from Let’s Love Better, a Facebook group dedicated to helping people learn to better share love, while fostering an atmosphere of understanding. When we know better, we do better.