My name is Cynthia. I am a mom of three amazing kids that mean the world to me and bring me so much joy. I have been married for 19 years to my husband. Wait! Yes. You heard that right. I’m Gay. Lesbian. Same sex attracted. Whatever you want to call it—and I am married to a man.
I never thought in a million years that I would be comfortable with being attracted to women. It was always bad in my mind and I would beat myself up for being who I am. I hated it. I hated myself. I hated that I was different. I thought my family would hate me for who I was. I kept it a secret. It wasn’t hard. At first. And I had good times and bad times throughout my life where I thought I was no longer dealing with this attraction that was the bane of my existence. And then God decided I needed a change of heart.
In the last 3 years, I have come out of my hate and frustration toward that part of me that truly is not going away. I wanted so badly for it to just disappear and it’s still here and isn’t likely going away. I don’t understand it sometimes and other times I embrace it in spite of my frustration with it. I love who I have become in the last 3 years. I love that I don’t have to keep secrets anymore and that I can be just me. I have opened up my home to those who are hurting and need love. I try to be around others who need to feel that love as well and as a reward, I feel God’s love As I am able to show love to others.
It is important to me to be who I am because I want all others (no matter what gender, race, size, religion, belief, what sexual orientation, or type they are) to know they are not alone. I want them to know they are loved and valued. I want them to know there is hope and healing in being who you really are. I want to wrap my arms around the ones who are hurting and celebrate with the ones who are figuring out who they are. It is so beautiful what this community has done for me to help me find who I truly am.
The Lesbian flag and the rainbow flag have changed the course of my hate, fear, and loathing of myself and who I was and have replaced it with Love, kindness, and charity, toward myself and others. The truth shall set you free (John 8:32) has become a reality in my life that I will forever be thankful for.
I am Cynthia, I am a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, an aunt, a safe space, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a person with many gifts, and a daughter of God.
And, I’m gay and happy with who I am becoming with God at my side.
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This In My Own Words story is dedicated to helping people learn to better share love, while fostering an atmosphere of understanding. When we know better, we do better.