“I still worry about what the closet might have stolen from me. I worry that I’m learning things far too late for the stakes to be negligible (they’re higher and higher all the time). I worry that I missed the window where trial and error are acceptable.
I worry about who might get caught in the shrapnel of my likely explosions.
I’m trying to learn, but I can only reassemble myself.”
I recently watched the movie: Call Me By Your Name.
The above was a quote from that movie. I have pondered words similar to those many times throughout my life. I was raised in a very active LDS family, I served a mission, tried to date, never found “the perfect one”, and eventually I chose to come out at 40 years old, yeah I am a late bloomer.
I made the hard decision to leave my comfortable life and come out. The wonderful part of that coming out was that life became much more fulfilling. My coming out started with my family and then close friends and then co workers. It wasn’t difficult, it got easier and easier each time I shared my truth. Now that I have been out for almost two years, I hardly think of my life being locked in a closet. I’m free and it didn’t come with the awful side effects I thought it would. Life is beautiful.
If there was one silver lining to coming out late, it was that I already understood the value of relationships. On the down side, I wasn’t able to experience a high school crush or explore my young adult fantasies. There was no chance to fall for a boy I might like, or to take him on an awkward teenage date.
I have some form of envy for those who are freer to come out. Society and religion are providing a much better atmosphere to come out earlier, with fewer repercussions. Many of the youth today are able to become who and what they want/need to be.
Today, you can come out AND you are able to legally marry the man/women of your dreams! You can do all that with the support of your friends and family too. Do you realize how much of a miracle that is? We have made so much progress over the last few years. It is beautiful to see people who are open, out, and able to start a family! And best of all, have the opportunity to become a happily married couple.
From the same movie:
“In your place, if there is pain, nurse it, and if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out, don’t be brutal with it. Withdrawal can be a terrible thing when it keeps us awake at night, and watching others forget us sooner than we’d want to be forgotten is no better. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of 30 and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything — what a waste!”
— Elio’s father, to Elio, at the end of Call Me By Your Name
I never wanted to feel nothing. Coming out has given me the life I needed.
We want to hear your story–here’s how to share it with us!
Each Sunday we feature a new Coming Out Story on the Latter Gay Stories blog. Coming out is an important process that is different for everyone; some experiences are difficult; while others are heart-warming and inspiring. Coming out is rarely easy–but your story will help others draw inspiration from your own experience. We rely on weekly submissions to keep the Coming Out Stories alive and invite you to share your story now.
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