Not too long ago, I was at an LGBT Mormon conference and I finally heard a term that felt more like my experience than just “bisexual.”  Despite 11 years of dating only men, and being genuinely physically attracted to them, “bisexual” didn’t explain why it wasn’t working for me.

“Bisexual, homo-romantic” was uttered and it clicked! That’s me! Sexually attracted to men and women but only falls IN LOVE with women.

I started my coming out journey two-and-a-half years ago, at the age of 32. THIRTY-TWO! I was mortified. I grew up Mormon, and most of my family, extended family, and friends are Mormon. I went to a BYU. I wasn’t sure how my friends or family would respond and I was scared to death that I’d be totally rejected by EVERYONE, not just for being bi but for lying about it for so long.

When I first started coming out over the phone to my most trusted friends, I told them I wasn’t planning on dating women, but I wanted to be honest about my experience. The first several friends all had the same question… “HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN’T BE HAPPIER?!”

Hmmmm….how did I know?

I’d never thought I might be the one preventing my own happiness! That realization was DEEPLY humbling, and I decided to consider dating a cool woman that I knew. I fell in love with that woman and, eventually, I asked her to marry me. Then, because of an anxiety disorder, I let my church’s and family’s disapproval get me so badly that I stopped functioning.  It effectively destroyed my relationship and almost myself.

I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my life, religion, and family, but being more sure of who I am and knowing that God/the Universe loves me more when I’m being me, is the only way I will find happiness. Pray/put good energy out there for me! I love the real you!

Disconnecting and reconnecting my religious upbringing with the genuineness of who I am has been mortifying and freeing, at the same time. I am literally rebuilding who I am, from the inside out, and I am loving it. Coming out, and coming to the crossroads of uncertainty has been the greatest blessing of my life. Too often in Mormonism we are taught to see in shades of black or white. I am finally celebrating my life in color.

Join me.

We want to hear your story–here’s how to share it with us!

Each Sunday we feature a new Coming Out Story on the Latter Gay Stories blog. Coming out is an important process that is different for everyone; some experiences are difficult; while others are heart-warming and inspiring. Coming out is rarely easy–but your story will help others draw inspiration from your own experience. We rely on weekly submissions to keep the Coming Out Stories alive and invite you to share your story now.

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT YOUR STORY