Hi, I’m Aubrey. At 25, I came out to myself and to the world. I got baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at 17 years old. I converted from a non-denominational Christian church. Being raised Christian, I was taught to date and eventually marry only men, “make sure you find your Prince Charming,” or to “stick my nose up at the sexual deviant and disgustingly sinful and perverted gays,” so I lied to myself for years that I was exclusively straight.
As I hit my teenage years, I saw those around me accepting different sexualities. Having known I wasn’t straight, I “came out” as bisexual and found a girlfriend. Coming out as bisexual was a way for me to be accepted by “all sides.” I found that only the LGBTQ community really accepted that I could be bisexual. Church people doubted me, and even got even mad, so I shut up about my sexuality.
That frustration between both sides was what lead me to get baptized at 17 (because I genuinely wanted to). My baptism required that I had to break up with my girlfriend. From then, I dated only men until I turned 25, did everything I thought a good Mormon girl did, yet all my relationships failed.
After taking some time to meditate and reflect I realized something big about myself, that I am pansexual. Pansexuality is not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. That special journey has lead me to my future marriage to a man that I have known for over eight years now.
I’m done with trying to be things I’m not. I’m done holding onto my trauma. My inner traumatized child is no longer taking the wheel when emotions rise. I’m tired of pretending to be straight just because I think or believe it will please God and others.
God loves me, I am his daughter.
I chose to come to earth and spread His gospel, His love, His light and to genuinely get to know who I am—and who He is. I want to ride through this journey just like everyone else with their different sets of downfalls, rips, tears, physically and emotionally debilitating chaos, heartbreaks, dreams and talents. I want the world to have peace. I want to protect the innocent. I want to give. I want to sing. I want to create beautiful things. I want to dream and live.
I am human. That is how I was born and what I was born to be.
I am a happy, chubby, brown haired, dark chocolate obsessed, animal loving, crafty, funny, giving, caring daughter of God.
Who I am is not a choice. It’s how I was born. And I will protect and befriend all who feel like me. I’ve come so far so fast and I’m ready to love all good in this life with no hesitation. My future is a life that includes accepting myself, loving and coming closer to God, getting to know those close to me on a deeper level, take more photos of things I can’t bear to lose, singing, breathing, laughing, and healing.
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This story is dedicated to helping people learn to love better, while fostering an atmosphere of understanding.
When we know better, we do better.
