My son Danny had always planned to serve a mission, following a generations old family tradition. By his senior year, he had developed a deep understanding of the gospel, and he was passionate about helping others to love themselves and to feel the love of God. As the day approached for his initial meeting with the Bishop, I could tell something was bugging him. I repeatedly asked if there was anything he wanted to talk about before his meeting. Each time, he declined saying he was fine – that he wasn’t worried about anything, buy my dad alarms kept sounding.

After his meeting, he still didn’t want to talk, but I knew that something was still not right for him. He avoided conversation all afternoon, until around 10 pm when I finally cornered him. He was clearly in pain and about to burst. Finally I said, “Okay, you need to talk! Tell me what you need.”

His eyes filled with tears and he said, “I want to, but I don’t want to.” I put my arm gently around him, led him into my room, and we plopped down on the bed together to experience the single most important moment in my parenting life.

Earlier in my life, I experienced a period of intense emotional and spiritual darkness. Surviving and recovering from these trials helped me truly understand that God loved me no matter what – that there was nothing I could ever do to change his deep and abiding love for me – a lesson that would become a theme and mantra for our family as we raised our children. “There is nothing you could ever do to change God’s love or our love for you. God loves you – and we love you – no matter what!” This mantra served our family very well through many challenges. And if you ask any of my kids what I taught them as they were growing up, I know they would repeat our mantra.

Back to Danny.

That night, when I insisted that he tell me what was bothering him, he knew he could trust me to love him – no matter what he shared. Even so, he was terrified to put this conviction to the test.

I embraced my dear son and held him in my arms. He repeatedly gathered his breath, moved his lips to speak and then groaned. He made several false starts. As I held him, I pulled him closer and encouraged him again.

Finally he blurted out, “I like guys!”

(I’ll pause for a funny but important aside. As Danny shared, I immediately thought of an episode of one of my favorite T.V. shows, “This is Us.” My first thought was, “Wait! What did Randall and Beth say to their daughter when she came out?” They simply said they loved her no matter what, and that they would stand by her through anything. This might seem silly but it really helped me to have seen other parents handle this situation so beautifully. Even if you’ve already seen it, google “This is Us” Tess coming out.” Every parent needs to watch this touching scene.)

I was thrilled by my automatic reaction. I felt an immense, instant swelling of love through my whole being. The first thing I said was something like, “Oh, Danny, thank you so much for trusting me enough to share this with me!” Next, I repeated the mantra.

We spent a long time lying there, his head on my shoulder, both of us in tears. Time sort-of stood still in this beautiful, intimate, sacred moment. And instantaneously, miracles unfolded in my soul. As he fully exposed his vulnerability and shared the deepest, scariest parts of himself with me, my soul transformed, seemingly right before my eyes. Misconceptions, biases, and prejudices that I didn’t even know I had showed up and self-corrected on the spot. I have described this instant change as observing my soul through a kaleidoscope. Everything changed. All the colors and shapes within my soul – my thoughts about all things LGBT – adjusted, clarified, focused, and self corrected – became more beautiful and clear than ever.

I had always considered myself pretty open-minded, compassionate and understanding toward the LGBT community. After all, I have a gay older brother and I love and accept him and his husband. But now, mere moments after Danny and I shared this sacred experience, I was a changed man.

And ten months later, Danny is doing great. In fact, better than ever.

Coming to terms with his true self and courageously coming out to the world seems to have unlocked his soul. He knows he is loved and supported by his friends and family. Although he feels judged and condemned by some local church leaders and by the church’s position in general, most people have been wonderful. Our Stake President has shown beautiful, Christ-like love. Danny is thriving and I am grateful beyond words.

So where do I stand on the issues we face as LGBT allies, families, and a church? Here it is in a nutshell.

• God created my son the way he is. He is not broken. His sexuality does not need to be “healed” – not in mortality, not in the eternities.

• My son wants to have a family. He believes that he deserves to experience a fulfilling, passionate marriage, and all the amazing joys and challenges of raising children – just as much as any of us. He wants to live a chaste, gospel centered life and share intimacy only within his future marriage. I support him in all of this. I will not ask him to live his life alone and lonely.

• Religious communities are doing great harm – leading to anxiety, depression, and suicide – by teaching that same-sex attraction is a defect and a trial, and that if they stay faithful, deny themselves, and endure this life, then God will heal them in the next life.

• Religious communities are forfeiting the tremendous blessings of having committed, creative, hard-working LGBT members, like Danny, in their congregations by marginalizing them and directly or indirectly pushing them out.

And what “take-aways” do I want to share with parents and church leaders?

I just want to help them be ready with appropriate responses when their kids – our kids – come to them. Lets face it. We are parents and church leaders. Our kids are going to surprise us with something. It may be small and simple, but it may be alcohol or drugs, sexual activity, doubts about religion, or same-sex attraction. They will do things we have taught them not to do. So how can we be ready?

• First, we need to establish and constantly nurture “no matter what” relationships with them. They must know they can come to us with anything, and that we will still love them. That we will still want them in the church and in the family.

• And then we need to be prepared to respond with love and acceptance. We need to pray now for on-the-spot inspiration when it really counts. We need to consider what we will say and how we will say it when they surprise us.

I am eternally grateful for the life experiences and the inspiration that helped me to support and understand my dear son. I am not asking anyone to change their mind or believe as I do. I just want people to understand that God expects us to love. Period. My son is doing great. Now I want to help other dads save their kids’ lives – literally – by helping them develop “no matter what” relationships and say the right things at the right time.

I am excited about Danny’s future, and I know that his Father in Heaven is pleased with his pure, honest heart, and that He loves my Danny exactly as He created him.

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This In My Own Words story is a contribution from Let’s Love Better, a Facebook group dedicated to helping people learn to better share love, while fostering an atmosphere of understanding.  When we know better, we do better.