This is my story about coming out. I am coming out, not as gay, not as a lover of Swiss chocolate, but as trans. Five months before my 17th birthday I finally understood what was different about me. Growing up I always knew I was different, but I wasn’t able to identify what that “difference” was. There was always something special about me. I just thought at first, “I need to lose weight”, or “you need to find more happy things about yourself,” but I kept getting more and more depressed about my body.
Growing up in the Church (and outside of Utah), made for a really confusing and difficult childhood. I didn’t know what gender dysphoria or being trans was, because no one in my family, church or community would talk about it. There is very little education and acknowledgment about it.
Privately, I spoke with the school nurse at my high school. I was a TA in the office and the school nurse and I developed a friendship. I felt like I could discuss anything with her, so I started asking questions like, “is it possible that girls can be born into boy bodies?” and “what is the cure or is there medicine for people who feel trapped in their body?”
I am sure my questions were so vague and confusing that my school nurse probably thought I was cuckoo. But after a few questions she started sharing some ideas with me. She explained what it is to be transgender and how often it occurs in people. She asked me questions about my own experience and offered a few resources to look into. She never accused me of being trans, or asked me if that was what I was experiencing, she only taught me about it and allowed me the opportunity to piece all the puzzle pieces together.
Then one morning in February of 2018 I walked into her office and came out to her. I am transgender: female to male.
I am so thankful that this friend took the time to teach me and be open to the discussion. She didn’t belittle me or try to change me. Now that I have been out for almost two years, we have had many more discussions about the topic. She now admits that she knew within the first few minutes that I was trans, but she wanted to give me the chance to accept and acknowledge it for myself. I am so thankful for that.
I have been able to come out to almost everyone else around me. The next person was my very best friend, she accepted me which was nice. However, my very Mormon family did not and they haven’t been as accepting. I am hoping that time will give us the best chance at understanding this difficult topic. They sort of freaked out a little bit. I wish there were more stories and examples of people like us in the Church. The church teaches very little about this topic and we all suffer because of that. We must do it on our own, please continue to share your stories! We need them to be heard.
I am looking forward to living a happy life. Even though I was born with a female body I’m a male and someday I will transition!
We want to hear your story–here’s how to share it with us!
Each Sunday we feature a new Coming Out Story on the Latter Gay Stories blog. Coming out is an important process that is different for everyone; some experiences are difficult; while others are heart-warming and inspiring. Coming out is rarely easy–but your story will help others draw inspiration from your own experience. We rely on weekly submissions to keep the Coming Out Stories alive and invite you to share your story now.
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