Hi I’m Brenda Butler. I’ve been told I’m a down to earth person or salt of the earth. I always try to have an open heart and open mind. I love nature: the mountains, skies, flora and especially animals. I also enjoy traveling because I enjoy adventures and learning. The most important thing in my life is my family!! I grew up very close to all my aunts, uncles and cousins. Although my grandparents were married in the Temple, I am the only active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
My oldest daughter has always said I have good “gaydar”. I’ve always known when someone was gay before they came out. So when my son was 8, I had a talk with my husband about his thoughts on whether our son would grow up to be gay. We both suspected he would and discussed our feelings about the possibility. We agreed it didn’t matter. Fast forward 11 years. I was now divorced and my ex had little to do with our kids. My son was now 19. One day he said he needed to have a private conversation with me. He just came right out and said “I’m gay” I said “I know”. His look was priceless. He wondered how I knew when he had just figured it out himself.
Knowing that I was an active LDS member he wanted to know how long he had to find a place to live. I told him “I’m not going to kick you out! You are my son and I love you. Discovering you are gay does not change the person you are. I Iove you for who you are!
I could see the weight of the world fall off his shoulders.
He gave me a big hug and sobbed in my arms for a good half hour. I told him my only worry or fear is the way some in the world will see you. I’m afraid you’ll be discriminated against and worse, beat up or killed. My cousin came out at 19. He went to a gay bar and was jumped by 3 men who beat him and raped him. He contracted AIDS and died 10 years later.
I think back to when my son was 8 and was baptized. Later we went for ice cream. While sitting there I noticed he was as white as a sheet. I asked if he was ok and he said he felt good. I then realized he wasn’t just white. He was glowing. I knew it was the Holy Ghost. When he was 12 and received the priesthood, he told me it felt like his head was on fire. The Spirit was obviously very strong with him. He loved passing the Sacrament. Now because of the Church’s stance on the LGBTQ community he now is atheist. I am glad that Church members have been instructed to love their gay children and to love everyone. I also understand that they must stand behind the Family Proclamation. But in my heart I think there must be something more that has not yet been revealed to us because I cannot understand why our loving Father in Heaven would create LGBTQ children only to have them ostracized.
I know Heavenly Father loves them as much as he loves every one of us. I just hope that one day there will be a revelation to enlighten us on how they fit in to God’s plan. I’ve often wondered if our limited and finite minds are just to small to comprehend it. I just hope that all people will stop judging and start loving everyone no matter their race, religion, financial status, etc.
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This In My Own Words story is a contribution from Letās Love Better, a Facebook group dedicated to helping people learn to better share love, while fostering an atmosphere of understanding. When we know better, we do better.
