June 14, 2020

Coming Out | Starting to Act Gay

I think family acceptance is one of the hardest parts of coming out. I came out to a dozen friends months before I said anything to my parents, and most of my extended family still haven’t been officially clued in … Read the rest here

Latter Gay Stories

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Latter Gay Stories

54 minutes ago

I recently had the opportunity to speak at a conference of therapists in Utah, and during the Q&A someone asked me what advice I would give nine-year-old Kyle, the little boy in elementary school who knew he was different—but didn't understand yet what that difference was. My immediate answer was that I would tell him everything is going to be okay, that it will all work out, and that one day he will discover the joy of being happy about who (and what) he is.

At first, that felt like the right answer. It still does in some ways.

But the more I have thought about it, the more complicated the question has become, because if nine-year-old Kyle had known all of that, if he had known he had no reason to hide, no reason to be afraid, no reason to spend years trying to fix something that was never broken, I wonder who Kyle would have become?

So much of my strength, my education, my resilience, and my ability to sit with people in difficult places came from the life I actually lived. It came from being closeted. It came from listening to poor religious advice and spending so much time and energy trying to make myself fit inside a life that was never going to fit me. It came from marrying a woman, becoming a father, rebuilding my life, defending myself in rooms where people thought they already understood me, and learning over and over again that compassion is not easy to give when you weren't ready to accept it for yourself.

I would never say pain is necessary. I would never tell a child that suffering is the price of becoming strong. But I also cannot deny that the road I walked gave me much more wisdom that I did not have before. It gave me language. It gave me empathy. It gave me a deeper understanding of what it means to mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and stand with people who feel weak, overlooked, or alone.

That is where the question becomes harder for me. Do I really have advice for nine-year-old Kyle, or do I only have gratitude for the person he somehow became?

If he had taken a different path, if he had dated boys when he was ready, built a different life, avoided years of shame, and never had to untangle so much fear from faith, I hope he still would have become someone who cared deeply about people. I hope he still would have wanted to build community. I hope he still would have stood up for those being pushed aside. I hope he still would have kept the soft parts of himself intact.

Being gay did not change that little boy. It did not take away his goodness, his faith, his compassion, or his desire to belong to something meaningful. It only changed the road he had to walk to understand himself.

Maybe the real answer is that we do not know what we do not know. We only get the light we have because of the path we have walked, and while I can grieve the unnecessary pain, I can also honor the wisdom that came from surviving it.

So maybe I would not try to explain everything to nine-year-old Kyle. Maybe I would just sit with him long enough for him to feel safe and tell him to keep learning and becoming. Keep caring. Keep asking questions. Keep loving people. One day you will understand more tomorrow than you do today, and when you do, use that knowledge to make the road smoother for someone else.

Live to the fullest measure of your creation. ... See MoreSee Less

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Latter Gay Stories

9 hours ago

“I used to struggle with same sex attraction, but through the healing power of the Atonement, I’m a new man.”

About a year ago, a follower of the LatterGayStories podcast sent me this screenshot from the popular Mormon dating app Mutual. I posted it with the reminder that sexual orientation is not subject to change because of opinion, the Atonement, or church policy.

The Mormons came out swinging. They attacked me for not believing in the power of the Atonement, for saying conversion therapy does not work, and for being an “out-of-touch apostate.”

Well…over a year later, the person who originally posted this information on his Mutual profile reached out and shared a photo of himself and his boyfriend on a recent trip to the Grand Canyon.

He said he is happier than ever and acknowledged that the place he was in a year ago is not the same place he is in today.

He also wanted to thank many of you for your kind words and encouragement on the original post. For so long, he felt alone and broken. It turns out all he needed was to see that authenticity and acceptance of who and what he is were enough for him to thrive. ... See MoreSee Less

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Latter Gay Stories is at Reflecting Pool.

1 day ago

Friends, we almost missed this opportunity 😉 🐸

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

...somebody's bigotted uncle is about to share this on his social media mingled with his finest keyboard rant. 😅😆 ... See MoreSee Less

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Coming Out | Starting to Act Gay

Latter Gay Stories

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